| Trust, I don't have |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|04:17 am] |
Have you ever wondered:
Who in the world would you love unconditionally? &
Who in the world would love you just the same?
Have you ever thought:
Just really, who the fuck am I?
& who the fuck do you really think You are?
Does it matter what the people say about me & you?
Just how (extent & manner) "disappointed" really feels like?
& Who am I to feel upset? Who are we to judge?
When you say fuck it, do you really mean Fuck it. or Fuck you?
Does it sound absurd when I say I wanna start anew?
Does it sound ridiculous when I just want to feel defeated right now?
Why do you keep telling me to believe? What in the world are my beliefs?
& one biggest question. Why do I feel that I'm always the last to know about something.
Know what, maybe, Just maybe. I'm not trying hard enough. |
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| i have a craving for sushi, NOW, |
[Oct. 5th, 2007|03:12 am] |
i've these freakin queer need to eat a california handroll now.
This need to get new body lotions & undies.
It's so weird, I swear. @ 3.13am in the morning, 5 Oct 2007.
STRANGE. i think i just want to spend some money |
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| Chess |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|02:27 am] |
Chess;
who likes to be manipulated & told what to do. I never thought i'd be in a situation whereby people state the terms i need to follow & not the limitations that i have.
Now, the people same lame things about me being 1) loud, 2) vulgar, 3) rude, 4) violent.
& i never would have thought for these to come from people whom i think know me a whole load.
Right now, i'm convinced it's only me who knows who i am.
It's fucking disappointing (i'm never gon cut down, cos they're just like vowels for me) that fewer people give shit about me. And i dare say till this date, fewer than 10 people geniunely care.
I don't care for a dad. for one. don't care for people who want to go out with me cos i can sign them in for some freakassed party (YES i'm refering to YOU). don't care for people who don't remember me. & certainly not the people who think that "she can't"
cos fuck you all, i'm not stacy for nothing. & i don't have daggers on my ribs for shit.
I do whatever i like, Whenever i like. & none of you mafuckers are gon stop me. |
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| If only I could. |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|01:37 am] |
Don't know why I still slept on my side of the bed
The emptiness when you were gone kept ringing in my head
Told myself I really had to move along now
Stop regretting all the things I left unsaid,
So I tore up your letters
Took your picture off my wall
I deleted your number, it was too hard not to call
Felt a little better, told myself I'd be fine
Got to live for the good times up ahead,
'Cos everywhere I go
There's a love song that reminds me of you
And even though I knew I had to be strong
I was still not over you
'Cos I still believe and I could see how there's nothing left of you and me
That time is over
'Cos I'm so not over you
All my friends try to tell me better find somebody new
Why waste time being lonely when there's nothing left to lose
Anything to get you out of my mind
I'm a fool if I thought I could forget
And I could not forget
Now I found a way to keep you there beside me
To where my love won't be denied
I can only hope to keep you there and guide me
There's no more need to hide from all this pain inside
So not over you
That time is over
'Cos I'm so not over you |
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| Nope, time doesn't fly |
[Sep. 13th, 2007|08:04 pm] |
right, it's been more than 10 days, & to say the least, i've been doing the wrongest things (i never should have done) for the year of 2007.
i am 19.
&&& i'm legal to drive, random. i'm gon hang my driving license on my neck. hurhur.
but it's all good in the hood, i've settled down yesterday.
i'm on my way to doing something starkly different, well i wouldn't disclose anything as yet. But i'm sure it'd be swee-swee-gam-jia-zwee(sugarcane) in half a year's time, aightttt!
i'm thinking of extentions, like hair extentions. but i think it's gon look ridiculous, considering all(err?) the hair i have now on my head. i mean the length, urps.
I need to do something to my head. like maybe a dye job or something.
&&& hold your breath, don't laugh. because i'm screwing up relationships, SOOOOOOO bad, i'm not going to be involved in anything near close, intimate or __________________. you know?
Yes i know. right. right. for the 1st time, in like ?? years, i'm gon be alone, single and unavail. cos i, nah, am not ready to go through uncertainties anymore.
Uncertainties were(WERE OKAYYY) fun, well so i thought lahhhh.
but now, it's just fucking irritating. YES, it is.
i shall put in more effort in doing good stuff for my soul, whatever that means. NO MORE BRAINLESS ACTS. yes thats right.
for now. DRINK MORE WATER. to avoid being dehydrated. hur. |
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| hur, 33 more days to go. |
[Aug. 29th, 2007|12:55 am] |
| [ | the candy pornstar |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
33 more dreadful working days. boring, data entry, stupid odd jobs. TIME CRAWLS @ work.
& i'm feeling awfully uncomfy now with my wheezy nose, teary eyes & bloating tummy.
I want to move out. Now.
It's the 28th August, What an unimportant day hur.
aiya. |
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| i can't wait |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|02:37 am] |
| [ | the candy pornstar |
| |  sleepy | ] |
i love dempsey cos it's comfy.
i wanna do lasik, but mum thinks i'd go blind if i did it. WAH riao. hur.
SO, i actually thought, maybe, maybe maybe. i shall try to push my luck a lil, & just go ahead with it. Then tell her when i'm done. Sounds good? man, sounds fuckin great heh (:
Just like how she'd always say "wear contacts for what, will go blind"
Can you believe that i grew up in an ultra conservative house?
Everyday i'd just push my freedom a lil bit more. I'm swear i'm pretty good at testing patiences, act innocent, smile & get away with fire &&& the list goes on.
so right, back to topic. i think i MIGHT just do that. heh heh heh.
& i need to deposit 7k back to my account. save me please thank you, where am i gon find the money hurhurhur. i'm a dead piece of duck (read:fucked).
anyhow, growing up in the house of conservatives.
*yawn i'm tired. nightnight (: |
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